Lettuce call it a day: januari 2014

“Resolutions” — Franz Kafka

by Biblioklept

“Resolutions”

by Franz Kafka

(Trans. by W. & E. Muir)

To LIFT YOURSELF out of a miserable mood, even if you have to do it by strength of will, should be easy. I force myself out of my chair, stride around the table, exercise
my head and neck, make my eyes sparkle, tighten the muscles around them. Defy my own feelings, welcome A. enthusiastically supposing he comes to see me, amiably tolerate B. in my room, swallow all that is said at C.’s, whatever pain and trouble it may cost me, in long draughts.
Yet even if I manage that, one single slip, and a slip cannot be avoided, will stop the whole process, easy and painful alike, and I will have to shrink back into my own circle again.
So perhaps the best resource is to meet everything passively, to make yourself an inert mass, and, if you feel that you are being carried away, not to let yourself be lured into taking a single unnecessary step, to stare at others with the eyes of an animal, to feel no compunction, in short, with your own hand to throttle down whatever ghostly life remains in you, that is, to enlarge the final peace of the graveyard and let nothing survive save that.
A characteristic movement in such a condition is to run your little finger along your eyebrows.

“Unhappiness” — Franz Kafka

by Biblioklept

“Unhappiness” by Franz Kafka

WHEN it was becoming unbearable – once toward evening in November – and I ran along the narrow strip of carpet in my room as on a racetrack, shrank from the sight of the lit-up street, then turning to the interior of the room found a new goal in the depths of the looking glass and screamed aloud, to hear only my own scream which met no answer nor anything that could draw its force away, so that it rose up without check and could not stop even when it ceased being audible, the door in the wall opened toward me, how swiftly, because swiftness was needed and even the cart horses down below on the paving stones were rising in the air like horses driven wild in a battle, their throats bare to the enemy.
Like a small ghost a child blew in from the pitch-dark corridor, where the lamp was not yet lit, and stood a-tiptoe on a floor board that quivered imperceptibly. At once dazzled by the twilight in my room she made to cover her face quickly with her hands, but contented herself unexpectedly with a glance at the window, where the mounting vapor of the street lighting had at last settled under its cover of darkness behind the crossbars. With her right elbow she supported herself against the wall in the open doorway and let the draught from outside play along her ankles, her throat, and her temples.
I gave her a brief glance, then said ‘Good day,’ and took my jacket from the hood of the stove, since I didn’t want to stand there half-undressed. For a little while I let my mouth hang open, so that my agitation could find a way out. I had a bad taste in my mouth, my eyelashes were fluttering on my cheeks, in short this visit, though I had expected it, was the one thing needful.
The child was still standing by the wall on the same spot, she had pressed her right hand against the plaster and was quite taken up with finding, her cheeks all pink, that the whitewashed walls had a rough surface and chafed her finger tips. I said: ‘Are you really looking for me? Isn’t there some mistake? Nothing easier than to make a mistake in this big building. I’m called So-and-so and I live on the third floor. Am I the person you want to find?
‘Hush, hush,’ said the child over her shoulder, ‘it’s all right.’
‘Then come farther into the room, I’d like to shut the door.’
‘I’ve shut it this very minute. Don’t bother. Just be easy in your mind.’
‘It’s no bother. But there’s a lot of people living on this corridor, and I know them all, of course; most of them are coming back from work now; if they hear someone talking in a room, they simply think they have a right to open the door and see what’s happening. They’re just like that. They’ve turned their backs on their daily work and in their provisionally free evenings they’re not going to be dictated to by anyone. Besides, you know that as well as I do. Let me shut the door.’
‘Why, what’s the matter with you? I don’t mind if the whole house comes in. Anyhow, as I told you, I’ve already shut the door, do you think you’re the only person who can shut doors? I’ve even turned the key in the lock.’
‘That’s all right then. I couldn’t ask for more. You didn’t need to turn the key, either. And now that you are here, make yourself comfortable. You are my guest. You can trust me entirely. Just make yourself at home and don’t be afraid. I won’t compel you either to stay or to go away. Do I have to tell you that? Do you know me so little?’
‘No. You really didn’t need to tell me that. What’s more, you shouldn’t have told me. I’m just a child; why stand on so much ceremony with me?’
‘It’s not so bad as that. A child, of course. But not so very small. You’re quite big. If you were a young lady, you wouldn’t dare to lock yourself so simply in a room with me.’
‘We needn’t worry about that. I just want to say: my knowing you so well isn’t much protection to me, it only relieves you of the effort of keeping up pretenses before me. And yet you’re paying me a compliment. Stop it, I beg you, do stop it. Anyhow, I don’t know you everywhere and all the time, least of all in this darkness. It would be much better if you were to light up. No, perhaps not. At any rate I’ll keep it in mind that you have been threatening me.’
‘What? Am I supposed to have threatened you? But, look here. I’m so pleased that you’ve come at last. I say “at last” because it’s already rather late. I can’t understand why you’ve come so late. But it’s possible that in the joy of seeing you I have been speaking at random and you took up my words in the wrong sense. I’ll admit ten times over that I said something of the kind, I’ve made all kinds of threats, anything you like. Only no quarreling, for Heaven’s sake! But how could you think of such a thing? How could you hurt me so? Why do you insist on spoiling this brief moment of your presence here? A stranger would be more obliging than you are.’
‘That I can well believe; that’s no great discovery. No stranger could come any nearer to you than I am already by nature. You know that, too, so why all this pathos? If you’re only wanting to stage a comedy I’ll go away immediately.’
‘What? You have the impudence to tell me that? You make a little too bold. After all, it’s my room you’re in. It’s my wall you’re rubbing your fingers on like mad. My room, my wall! And besides, what you are saying is ridiculous as well as impudent. You say your nature forces you to speak to me like that. Is that so? Your nature forces you? That’s kind of your nature. Your nature is mine, and if I feel friendly to you by nature, then you mustn’t be anything else.’
‘Is that friendly?’
‘I’m speaking of earlier on.’
‘Do you know how I’ll be later on?’
‘I don’t know anything.’
And I went to the bed table and lit the candle on it. At that time I had neither gas nor electric light in my room. Then I sat for a while at the table till I got tired of it, put on my greatcoat, took my hat from the sofa, and blew out the candle. As I went out I tripped over the leg of a chair.
On the stairs I met one of the tenants from my floor.
‘Going out again already, you rascal?’ he asked, pausing with his legs firmly straddled over two steps.’
‘What can I do?’ I said, ‘I’ve just had a ghost in my room.’
‘You say that exactly as if you had just found a hair in your soup.’
‘You’re making a joke of it. But let me tell you, a ghost is a ghost.’
‘How true. But what if one doesn’t believe in ghosts at all?’
‘Well, do you think I believe in ghosts? But how can my not believing help me?’
‘Quite simply. You don’t need to feel afraid if a ghost actually turns up.’
‘Oh, that’s only a secondary fear. The real fear is a fear of what caused the apparition. And that fear doesn’t go away. I have it fairly powerfully inside me now.’ Out of sheer nervousness I began to hunt through all my pockets.
‘But since you weren’t afraid of the ghost itself, you could easily have asked it how it came to be there.’
‘Obviously you’ve never spoken to a ghost. One never gets straight information from them. It’s just a hither and thither. These ghosts seem to be more dubious about their existence than we are, and no wonder, considering how frail they are.’
‘But I’ve heard that one can fatten them up.’
‘How well informed you are. It’s quite true. But is anyone likely to do it?’
‘Why not? If it were a feminine ghost, for instance,’ said he, swinging onto the top step.
‘Aha,’ said I, ‘but even then it’s not worth while.’
I thought of something else. My neighbor was already so far up that in order to see me he had to bend over the well of the staircase. ‘All the same,’ I called up, ‘if you steal my ghost from me all is over between us, forever.’
‘Oh, I was only joking,’ he said and drew his head back.
‘That’s all right,’ said I, and now I really could have gone quietly for a walk. But because I felt so forlorn I preferred to go upstairs again and so went to bed.

“On the Tram” — Franz Kafka

by Biblioklept

“On the Tram” by Franz Kafka

I stand on the end platform of the tram and am completely unsure of my footing in this world, in this town, in my family. Not even casually could I indicate any claims that I might rightly advance in any direction. I have not even any defense to offer for standing on this platform, holding on to this strap, letting myself be carried along by this tram, nor for the people who give way to the tram or walk quietly along or stand gazing into shopwindows. Nobody asks me to put up a defense, indeed, but that is irrelevant.
The tram approaches a stopping place and a girl takes up her position near the step, ready to alight. She is as distinct to me as if I had run my hands over her. She is dressed in black, the pleats of her skirt hang almost still, her blouse is tight and has a collar of white fine-meshed lace, her left hand is braced flat against the side of the tram, the umbrella in her right hand rests on the second top step. Her face is brown, her nose, slightly pinched at the sides, has a broad round tip. She has a lot of brown hair and stray little tendrils on the right temple. Her small ear is close-set, but since I am near her I can see the whole ridge of the whorl of her right ear and the shadow at the root of it.
At that point I asked myself: How is it that she is not amazed at herself, that she keeps her lips closed and makes no such remark?